Here We Go Again

I feel like such a dummy. I haven't cried myself to sleep since I was in high school. Sha was everything I wanted in a man but he was making me become everything that I hate in a woman. But I love him so much. It's been five days since I walked out his door. Truthfully I thought that he was going to put up a big fuss begging me to take him back but he only called twice to check on me. So much for begging I guess. Damn him, I don't need his ass anyway. All I need is my bottle of Patron' and Nina Simone's heavy cries to forget all about his ass.

Getting out of bed was harder than I thought it would be, my head hurts so bad. From the looks of this room I must have had one hell of a temper tantrum. Yeah I can piece parts of last night and I remember seeing pictures of me and Sha at Forest Park last year for the balloon race. Just like kids we would make it out there every year and see all the hot air balloons take off. Those pictures of us smiling and being so in love through me into a frenzy I hurled one into the fire and next thing you know I was having my own Waiting To Exhale party burning everything that reminded me off him. I was so drunk and so pissed off that I dreamed about him. Ha! I can't even escape the man in my dreams. He was talking to me about the importance of being a lady and how ladies never drink more than they can handle. Blah Blah Blah who gives a damn about him and that stupid dream. He never liked for me to drink unless it included us getting freaky afterwards. But did I already say damn him!!! If not, damn him and his prudish ass ways. If I wanna drink this lady is gonna take a drink.

"Head hurt don't it?"

The voice startled the shit out of me causing me to stump my baby toe on the dresser.

"Got Damn-it Rashad what are you doing in here?"

"Saving you from yourself obviously. Have you ever heard the saying A Drunk Aint Shit? After you called me screaming and crying last night I knew you were drunk and I came over because I was concerned. Good thing I did to because you would have died from smoke inhalation. Next time you want to burn my shit you may wanna open a window. Now get your ass up so I can put you in the tub while I clean this place up."

"Sha I can't move my stomach is killing me. You can just leave out the front door, I don't need your pity. Let me just sleep this off like I said you can just leave"

Sha walked around the bed and flung me over his shoulders. He kicked the bathroom door open and to my surprise he had already run the water. He undressed me with one hand and then placed my drunken body into the tub. He looked at me as if he was peering through my soul. I was to weak to move so he took the sponge and began bathing me. Did I mention that I really really love him.

Please Don't Go (Kaleigh)

" Look I can't take this junk you're pulling Kaleigh. I try to show you that I am a good man and I know that I have been busy lately but I just need you to hold on until I secure my spot with the city council. You may have ruined my chance tonight."

"How was I suppose to know Rashand that she was working on your political team. You told me that you weren't feeling well and you would be staying in the house tonight."

"That's because I knew how you would react if you thought that I was out with her doing more than campaign work. You driving me nuts with this, you have to stop this jealousy thing."

"I'm not hardly jealous. I know you been busy but have you seen me Sha? I can have any man I want why would I be jealous. If anything you should be jealous at all the men who have been checking for me lately."

"Why you here with me then Kaleigh? You say you can have all the men you want, yet you keep coming back to daddy for what?"

Sha was good he knew that sexy talk of his would get me to let my beef go, but I wasn't giving in that easily. No way.

"Why I keep coming back to daddy? That's a good question because lately I can't find an answer."

"Let me show you what the answer is."

With a swift movement he had grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close to him. I thought he was going to suffocate me he was holding so tight.

"This what you keep coming for aint it?" Sha kept asking me while planting kisses all over my neck and chest.

"Yea that's what you keep coming back for, because I know how to treat my cat right. Tell me that's what it is. How I make it wet, make it purr for me. Let me kiss her and tell her that I miss her."

I didn't say anything as I pulled my skirt up around my waist and slid my thongs down. Sha wasted no time getting reacquainted with her. It had been so long that I found myself shivering in less than two minutes.

"See that's why you keep coming back, who you know make you feel like this? I wanna feel her for real now."

Sha got behind me and the first thrust we both could tell that it had been way to long. He had a little tugging and pushing to do, but once he got in he quickly got his groove. I can't lie it was the best feeling ever. Either I seriously have that good good or Sha too had been deprived of some good love. After 10 pumps, 21 strokes, and five minutes he pushed all his weight on top of me and just laid for a few minutes. I tried to hold it back but I could feel the tears coming.

"Kaleigh, why you shaking what's wrong? Why are you crying? Please don't do that"

"I can't do this anymore Sha I love you so much but you are the one making me nuts. I'm insecure and so needy now. That's just not me. I want this relationship but I want my sanity first and foremost. I have to go."

"Go? You mean just home right and you will see me tomorrow?"

"Forever Sha, I can't take this anymore."

After The Morning After (Kensley)

Why is my room spinning? And my head is killing me. How I let Kaleigh and McKenzie talk me into consuming that alcohol is beyond me. I haven't drug that hard since, let's just say it has been a long time. I don't even go out to clubs so I never even think of drinking, but after that argument with Eric I had to get away for a while. I know he is probably pissed with me for getting so drunk. I don't just represent myself out in the streets, I am his wife and I should keep myself presentable at all times. I may have to make it up to him and give him at least five minutes of afection. I'm sure he would love that.

"Good morning baby." Eric says as he plants a kiss on my forehead. I didn't even realize that he was awake.

"Good morning. Did I wake you by moving?"

"No I really haven't been able to sleep much, you were in rare form last night. I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I'm so glad that our little conversation got you to loosen up."

"What are you talking about Eric, rare form? I don't know what you mean, I know that I was drunk and I apologize if I said anything out of the way to you."

"It's not what you said baby, it's what you did. You were all over me. I couldn't keep your hands off me. You were kissing, pulling, and tugging on every spot of my body."

"What?!!!???" I shot straight up in the bed and the sheet fell from my chest revealing two exposed nipples. I tried to grab the cover but Eric pulled it from my grasp.

"I don't think so. After last night you and I became a whole lot closer. I felt the connection that I have been looking for since the day I met you. You don't have to cover up for me babies or no babies you are sexy as hell to me."

"I already know that I am sexy Eric, I don't want to cover up because I am insecure. I want to cover up because I am a lady damn-it."

"Jesus Kensley how could you ruin a moment like last night by acting like a stuck up bitch in the morning."

"Did you just call me a bitch Eric?"

"No I said you are acting like one, not that you are one. I'm just really frustrated and I want to be able to make love to my wife how I want to and not feel guilty about it."

"Make love or rape Eric? Because if I was intoxicated it sounds like you took advantage of me."

"Rape? I can't believe you have the nerve to speak that word out of your mouth and against me. "

Eric grabbed my arm and rolled me close to him so that we were eye to eye.

"Don't you ever in your gotdamn life say that I would rape you? I wouldn't call making love to my wife, who came on to me might I add, considered rape. Why don't you get it through your silly ass head that I love you and I want you to love me back."

As usual he had fire brewing beneath his eyes, and I could have simply put it out by opening up.

"Eric if you don't let go of my damn arm so I can get up and make breakfast for my kids, I will call the police on you."

"Don't worry Kensley our maid, you know the kids "real mother" already made breakfast and took them to school. As far as your arm goes, you can have it back because I am done. I mean it, I will be moving my things to the guest room. I can't take this anymore."

As he said the words sadly I felt some relief. I just don't want to deal with him right now. Man do I need another drink really bad.

Text Messages (McKenzie)

I hate the morning time. I just don't get the whole early bird gets the worm thing. Everyone should be allowed to sleep in and just work in the afternoon. I know it's a "good luck with that" kind of situation but it's still a thought. After witnessing the embarrassing scene Kaleigh put on in The Loft last I just want to sleep in peace. She totally made a fool out of herself and me. I need some rest to sleep off the alcohol and the adrenaline from our little show down with Sha. If it wasn't for this damn cell phone I could be sleeping peacefully, but it has been buzzing for the last 10 minutes and I know if I don't get up and address the calls they will continue to keep me from my sleep. And the 5 new messages that blared across the screen better be super important.


"Can u get away tonight?" 03/19/09 6:35 am


Always one simple sentence, never an elaboration.


"So you can't respond?" 03/19/09 6:42 am


That's different I never get a question twice.


"Guess your man must be there or something, you know sweating chicks aint my forte so I must really need another shot of that good." 03/19/09 6:50 am


"You know what I'm good if you are. Text a picture of that ass when you ready for the real." 03/19/09 6:55 am


What the hell is really going on? I look around to see if Marlo is still in the room. I heard the shower earlier but now it is quiet. He must be down stairs fixing me breakfast as he do every morning before he leaves. I am almost scared to read the last one. Seems like the desperation will sink in my fingers by reading it.

"Kenzie call when u get ur lazy ass up." 03/19/09 6:51 am

The last message was from Kaleigh, thank God because I was starting to get nervous. I never thought I would be in love with two people at the same time. I love Marlo but I can't explain this obsession with this other man. He is everything that Marlo isn't to me. Rude, disrespectful, and only wants to have sex. We never go on dates, we're never seen in public, and I know nothing about him expect his name, Danger. He pops up when he wants and calls when it is a good time for him. But the sex, yes Lord that sex has to go down as the best I have ever been in. It's always chains, camcorders, whips, oil, and some of the most rough and painfully beautiful sex ever. When Marlo and I are together it's beautiful, just simply wonderful. However it is something about the way that Danger touches my soul. I love Marlo but we wouldn't be as strong if Danger hadn't come into our lives. I have to find a way to shake Danger because I am finding myself wanting him more and more. I love Marlo I really do and this is the last picture that I will take and send to Danger.

Girls Night Out (Kaleigh)

"You know Kensley you should try coming out with us more often, you should really loosen up. I know you are married and all with kids but you still look good for 34."

"Thanks for your validation Kaleigh but I really don't need it, do you really think I would look this fabulous and not know it."

The laughter around the table plus the drink and music was making me feel good. After my disastrous stake out in front of Sha's house I needed a relief and this was a very pleasant one.

"By the way where were you two sluts the other night? I kept calling and neither of you would answer."

"Oh let's not go there big cuz." McKenzie slurred her words with the help of her four Margaritas. "Your sister here wanted to play Cagney and Lacey so we were on a top secret mission to find out nothing."

I could see that tonight will be a "lets make fun of Kaleigh moment". I wasn't in the mood and I would go off easily. After leaving Sha's house yesterday morning I felt like a complete fool. He had caught me sleeping outside his home. To make matters worse I feel asleep so I didn't see who left with him that morning. That was a seriously wack mission.

"Nothing? What did you guys do in this so called investigation? And seriously Kaleigh why would you stoop so low that you would go on a "top secret mission".

Kensley's nose was in the air where it stayed the most. She had a way of looking down on you and making you feel super small.

"We didn't do anything, we were just waiting to see if anyone would show up or leave, an hour turned into two and we feel asleep."

"FEEL ASLEEP IN THE CAR? ON EUCLID? ARE YOU CRAZY KALEIGH"

"First Kensley could you please lower your voice you have the whole bar looking at us, secondly yeah I did it so what. Some of us don't have sexy ass husbands who are faithful like you so I was just checking to make sure Sha wasn't cheating on me."

"Girl you are wrong for that. As a lady you should never stoop so low that you are acting like a project pigeon. Sitting outside his house? Falling asleep? Let me guess you put here up to this McKenzie?"

"Ay Kensley I don't have shit to do with the decisions your sister make, now we are having a good night damn-it. I'm not about to let your snobby ass ways mess up my vibe. Kaleigh is grown and she needed someone to be there for her not judge her, so she called me. And you damn right I'm gone ride with her and I don't care how stupid the mission is"

McKenzie didn't say anything else to Kensley as she continued to sip her Margarita and look around the bar. Even though Kenzie was our first cousin and was pretty much raised in our home, her and Kensley always had some beef going on. They were closer in age than me and McKenzie, but she and I have always clicked. And she is right she never judges the way that Kensley will.

"I see, well I guess I have been put in my place. I'll let the mission and your little comments McKenzie slide. I came here to drink and unwind and that is what I plan on doing. So if you ladies will excuse me I am going to the dance floor."

Kensley got up from the table as the waitress was walking up to bring us our fifth round of Margaritas. Kenzie grabbed hers immediately and started drinking like it would soon evaporate. I could see Kensely out the corner of my eye and now doubt the Patron in the Margaritas had her feeling herself. I didn't even know that she knew how to dance let alone grind in the manner that she was carrying herself in.

"Oh My God Kenzie look at Kensley girl she is letting that man rub all on her ass and hips. I have to go and get her she is drunker than what I thought."

"Girl let the girl go and live life, I say to hell with it. That young dude is sexy as hell and in my opinion just what she needs to loosen her stiff as up."

"She's married and there are to many media outlets in here who could report about this in their paper or on the Internet. I have to go and stop -"

The sight before me made me pause mid sentence. Just two tables behind me sat Sha and a very attractive young lady. I've never seen her before so this one had to be new. I don't give a damn who she is if she thinks she is going to take my man she is sadly mistaken.

"Come on Kenzie we have some ass to kick."

McKenzie

"There so much shit I wanna do to you. First you got to step into this room."



Jamie Foxx's song Slow was crooning from my stereos surround sound speakers. The room was dark and the 30 candles that I had placed around strategically was causing my shadow to dance seductively off the wall. I could feel the shot of Grey Goose that I had drunk earlier in the club taking effect on me. Oh yeah I am definitely in my zone. A little bit of Jamie and a shot of the Goose, please believe I am soooo in my zone.

"Turn around so I can look at you from behind."

The voice was demanding as usual and the baritone rang out like music to my ears. I began to turn slowly making sure that every inch of my ass was being watched. But nothing in life is free and that includes me. If you have the funds to pay then you can always play around these parts.
I began to jiggle just enough to tease him but I hold back on giving my all until he decides to up the cash.

"Damn baby you acting like that, I can't get more of a shake than that."

I pretend as if I don't hear him but I twist my hips just a little more, he already knows what it will take to get the full show. I could hear the song switching over to Tamia "Cant Get Enough Of You" that's always my queue to give him his private dance. Standing boldly in front of him I place my hands on his head.

"You know what it is luv, you want a dance then you better shower me with something."

He pulls his stack out of his pocket and began to place hundred dollar bills in my thong. A smile spreads across my face as I began to grind on his lap. I could feel his legs shaking under my body and that let me know that he was well pleased.

"Damn Kenzie you killing me tonight, what's gotten into you girl?"

I took that statement as a compliment and slowly began to remove my undies. The look of lust in his eyes was undeniable as he bit his bottom lip. He pulled his dreds back into a tight ball and pulled me close to him. He turned me around so that he was eye level with my love. He placed small kisses across my stomach and down to my inner thighs. I could feel the heat and moisture escape its confinment as he spread my lips apart.

"Damn Marlo stop teasing me, I can't take it. Go head and do what you do best baby."

Marlo had a powerful tongue, it always made me feel some kind of way. And that way is the most remarkable feeling I ever had in my life. It didn't matter the time or the mood if he was on his way down I was always a willing participant. Nothing could separate me from this man and his tongue.

"Mamma what ya'll doing."

I jumped away from Marlo and towards the cover as our three year old daughter Kylie stands in the doorway. Her hair was wild on her head and her baby doll was tucked under her arm. Her face was wet which meant she was probably crying from a bad dream.

"Go back to bed baby, daddy will come and tuck you in. I'm coming up right behind you"

As Kylie turned around Marlo pulled his jeans back up and threw on his wife beater. His Timbaland boots were still on and untied. He may be a thug in the streets but my Marlo is the perfect husband and father. He saved me from myself at a time when I didn't even know that I was lost. I would kill myself before I broke that man's heart.

Kensley

I have no clue where that fast tail sister of mine is. I called her all night long at home and on her cell. Normally I wouldn't even bother trying to get into her business, but I know that when she has something stupid on the brain I am the only one who can save her. McKenzie was M.I.A as well so no doubt she knows everything that is going on. Kayleigh can't move unless she has Kenzie by her side. I could barely make love to Eric last night because she kept popping in my brain. He could tell that I was barely there so he ended it quickly. Which only opened up the conversation for my "stiffness" as he calls it. I know I know, I am his wife, it is my duty, and all that other great stuff. However, I can live without it. I've tried but I can't find any good in sex. We already have our boy and girl so I don't see the purpose of carrying on the charade of sex any further. Of course Eric sees it a different way but he'll get over it, he always does.

"You know I love you Kensley but I don't see how I can go on like this."

Eric's deep voice walking into the bathroom scared me in the shower almost causing me to fall.

"Eric what are you doing in here? I'm naked for God's sake."

"Try being naked for my sake Kensley. What is the world coming to when a man can't see his wife naked. I love you and I want to be here for you. But this lack of intimacy is killing me, I thought that once we were married you would open up more. After the kids I knew that you were in it for the long haul, but why won't you open up to me. Why am I paying for another man's mistakes?"

It was obvious that he wasn't leaving the bathroom so I grabbed the nearest towel and covered up.

"I'm loosing my mind and you don't even care. The scheduled twice a week sex sessions, the way you go into a far away land during, and how I can't even explore different ways with you. When was the last time you told your kids that you loved them. Hell when was the last time you told me?"

"I don't want to discuss this Eric I don't know what you are talking about. I do know how to love. I love Kaleigh, I love the kids, and I love you."

"Last, you love me last Kensley. Your sister is a grown woman now, but we are your family now. You should love us first and foremost."

"Don't bring my sister up she has nothing to do with this. She's a kid that I don't want to make the same mistakes as I."

"She's almost thirty damn-it, she is grown. Be concerned about your own kids like that. Worry about how long this marriage will last. Let me in please, I am begging you for the sake of us, to just let me in."

He jumped in the shower fully clothed holding me in the tightest embrace. I could feel his hands rubbing the small of my back, before I knew it he was pushing my towel over my hips. I love Eric and I need his love but men are all the same and I can't take that pain again. I just can't.

"Eric please just leave I have to get dressed and go find Kaleigh." I grabbed the face towel and began to apply soap, anything so I didn't have to look in his eyes.

"You're making the biggest mistake ever Kensley, I don't want to prove your theory right, but I am this close to walking out that door and never coming back."

That got my attention and we stared at each other and I could tell that he was waiting on my response. I wanted to ask him to be patient and please don't leave. I didn't know how to say it. No other words were spoken as he stepped out and walked away defeated.

Kaleigh

"How do I get myself in these situations?" I kept asking myself that over and over again. Truthfully though, I knew the answer. My Grandma always use to say to me "Girl one day that nose of yours is going to get in some business it can't get out of". Naturally like every child I blocked that out of my head and went and got into someone else business. Now here I am 14 years later at 27 sitting in front of my "boyfriend's" house trying to see if he has company. The fact that I have to stoop to this level should be reason enough to leave him alone, but I can't. To say he is my drug of choice is an understatement. Rashand, or Sha as they call him in the streets, and I have been together for four years. We started off with a bang, a love at first sight thing, now things have started to fizzle. I've been nothing but good to him so I would like to know exactly why he hasn't put a ring on it. I can only assume it's some skeezer. The ratio of good men in this city is low, so I know all the vultures have been after him. I always felt secure in our relationship up until recently. So in a round about way that is why I am sitting here on Euclid at two o'clock in the morning dressed in cliche' all black. If my sister could see me now she would have a hissy fit. No way in hell is a daughter of Judge Lancaster hitting rock bottom like this. That's why I brought along our cousin McKenzie, she's a ride or die kind of girl.

"McKenzie, McKenzie wake up."

"What Kaleigh? Damn it's bad enough you've had me out here for the past two hours, can I at least get a five minute nap"

"Trick you been sleep for 30 minutes and I'm getting bored. I know someone is in there and I can't wait to see their faces when I bust them."

"You know you really live in a delusional world Kaleigh. What has Sha done to make you think he is cheating"

"I'm not stupid Kenzie. We barely spend time together, our sex life is almost extinct, and he's always gone from home."

"You know you my cousin and I love you to death but the man has been working. It's hard when your just trying to get your foot in the door as a politician, he does a lot of campaigning. You knew his goals when you first started in college."

"And whose side are you on exactly skank."

"You know I'm all for you but at this moment I would like to be on MY right side going to sleep."

" I know you better be on point when it's time to jump out, I can't be out here acting all ghetto by myself. If the family ever find out I will never hear the end of it. They expect this kind of stuff from you."

"Yeah yeah wake me when it pops off."

The time was dragging on and on. My eyes felt like weights were tied to my lashes. If he would just answer my call and let me know that he was at home I could pull off. With his car on the street and the house dark I can only assume one thing. There is most definitely a chick in there. Oooohhh if I could just get, get my hands on them. God am I sleepy but I swear it will take the heavens to part before I pull off. That's right I am going to sit here until my questions are answered.

When I opened my eyes I could see that four hours had past it was 6:30 in the morning. I sprang up wiping the slob off my face. McKenzie was next to me snoring lightly. It then hit me that I was still on Sha's street and I had fallen asleep. His car was gone which meant he had already left for the day. It was then I saw it, a note with my name spread across in his handwriting on my window.

"I started to wake you but you were sleep so peacefully, I left my key under the mat for you to freshen up and get something to eat. Call when you get up with your psycho ass. Love you."

I feel like a complete ass!